The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
