apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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