Screwed.edu
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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