Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize