i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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