So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
