Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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