Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
