That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
