zippers are such a cool invention
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
