so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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