Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
