Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
