This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
