remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
