trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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