You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
