I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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