I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
