It's Friday. Sex?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
