You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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