Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
