I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
