You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
