you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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