I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize