"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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