I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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