the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
