too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
