i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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