I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
