Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
