we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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