You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
