Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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