I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
