He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
