she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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