matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
