Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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