I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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