It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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