Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Girls should come with a carfax report
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
