we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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