remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
