I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
