Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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