Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
