woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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