I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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