Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize