this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
