every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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