I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize