He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
