im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm both gender and math confused
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
