I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
