I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
