i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
