You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
