I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
