Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
