But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Randomize
