Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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