Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
