did you get engaged???
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
