just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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