she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
PANTIES FOUND
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
