Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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