hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize