Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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