I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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