return my video game
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
