Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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