I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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