I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
