and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
