I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
