oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
